I hate myself

I hate myself...for being not cant discipline myself....
I keep going off the track that i had planned
In the end, I end up doing nothing.....
I really cannot control myself these few days..
I am so easily pissed off and talk loudly to my friends...
I cant even treat their jokes on me calmly...
I feel so sad for being so emotional.....
Why I can't control my temper and EQ better?
I feel so sorry to my friends and hope that they will not mind it....
really sorry...
I can't control my feeling and cant control everything!
Everything seems like opposing my desire......
I want my EQ back!
Meditation~~~~~~But I can't even concentrate how am I going to meditate??
So desperate I mess up everything in this eleventh hours....
There is no time for me to handle all these troublesome stuffs now, at least within this few weeks...
I HATE myself for make everything worse!!!!!!